[Valid Atom 1.0] BarbaraEllen: Yahoo-w Is This News?? Bey's Allowed to be Diva.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Yahoo-w Is This News?? Bey's Allowed to be Diva.

(Google Images.)
Here it is. The first Yahoo News Commentary BarbaraEllen post. What better way to commence than with a ridiculously non-news story about our fav (non) Single Lady: Beyonce. The linked story, written by The Daily Caller and posted onto Yahoo News, dishes various diva-don'ts demanded by Beyonce in order to satiate our culture's celeb-obsessed thirst.

{Read Me}

One time I "learned"
the Single Ladies dance.
First of all. Why doesn't this article focus on the real diva: Jay-Z. Six G's in alcohol & cigars?? Damn media: hating on women.

Secondly, the only super weird thing about this diatribe is the red toilet paper, and that's not even diva-y unless it's made out of unicorn-velvet. But Bey's red number may as well be the crepe-paper bought in those dollar party stores. For reals. If I were Beyonce, 1 of the best-selling recording artists of all time, I'd also want a hand-carved ball of ice to suck on & to protect my vocals after every concert. That's her bread-and-butter. And it also happens to be an important part of her actual body. And no. Her dancers cannot eat Cheetos. Get all gross and out of shape, orange finger-prints all over their dancers' costumes. They are lucky. Bey provides nourishment. Healthy food. That's a lot of exertion, being a pop star's dancer.

(Google Images.)
And a new toilet seat??? GOOD FOR HER. Who wants to spend 11 months with his or her butt cheeks on someone else's toilet. This is her living space, for crying aloud.

Omg. If I were a celebrity, I would require--REQUIRE--RSVP Pens in every color with correlating Sharpies to match. And I wouldn't even use them. I would demand personalized/ergonomic BarbaraEllen water bottles JUST to fit the size of my mouth so that I don't drizzle water all down the front of me, whenver I sip (like I do now). Futher, I'd make EVERYONE wear 100% cotton made ONLY in America because--you know what--100% cotton is comfortable. It absorbs sweat. It feels good. Those commercials are really good and have been really good for some time. If I were a celebrity & on-the-road all of the time, I already know who my entrouage would be. I'm not even famous! (Yet.) And I'd commission a vegetarian Rochester, NY style plate with "meat" sauce to be made just for my consumption and my consumption only, with a "permission slip" needing to be signed, USING ONE OF THOSE RSVP PENS, should anyone else have clearance to consume.
Actual Vegetarian Plate
I ate at a Pitty Love Rescue Fundraiser at Lux.
Get it Bey. And don't let Jay get away, pinning all this diva status onto you. ...You know what. Embrace it. You're Beyonce "Sasha Fierce" Knowles Carter. Mrs. Carter, to be exact. Embrace it, and then drink it through a titanium straw. (Which probably matches your hot Pepsi ads super well anyhow.)

Pepsi + Beyonce.
(Google Images.)

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Not your typical BarbaraEllen ... but still be constructive. Creative also welcome! xo.