[Valid Atom 1.0] BarbaraEllen: Internal Monologue. The Wrong Type??

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Internal Monologue. The Wrong Type??

Size Doesn't Matter.

{Esquire c/o Google Images.}
A very good & also very single/exasperated-by-the-dating-scene friend sent me this article about dating. Topic: totally irrelevant to me. {If anyone mentions slut-shaming & asks whether or not it is a warranted “debate,” I will aggressively roll my eyes and ask you back if size matters. Because, first, it doesn’t. It’s fit. Think jeans, nay-sayers. And if you’ve ever had blindingly-soul-searing sex with any guy, including an “average” guy, you know. If you haven’t: I’m sorry. Also,

Find Yo' Man Pants.

{Google Images}
if size matters not on women—talking figures like the sultry Mila Kunis and sexy Zooey Deschanel--it matters not on men. #EqualOpportunity. Second, you’re not a slut. If you enjoy sex, even if with a stranger, you are not a slut. If you are a female, and you enjoy sex, and it’s on the first date, you are not a slut. If you are a female, and you have sex with a man, and he does not call back because he already got what he was looking for … neither one of you ever had a chance. If you are female, and you have sex with a man, please realize: he’s not the only one with a choice; you can choose not to call him back, too. THE. END.} Tiny, sweet, and seemingly insignificant: one strong sentence in this large, somewhat sloppy, article is actually what changed my life.

                  It’s about chemistry, it’s about being in the same place in your lives (aka both   wanting a relationship), and whether or not you both enjoyed the sex in question.

Do you know for how long I’ve been trying to change my type?? Therapy, onset: high school. I like the wrong type. I’m attracted to the wrong type. I’m just about … the wrong type. Think about that. For one moment. When you like the wrong type, and what you like is wrong, everything about you is also wrong. That’s a large charge. Before accepting it as fact, ask yourself: Is what I like-- what I’m attracted to-- really that wrong?

If you’re attracted to drug addicts, consistently, you have an issue. Or maybe you crave control, or the need to be controlled. If this is what you gravitate toward, then yes, it needs examining. Any self-destructive or abusive attribute that attracts you to another is cause for change.

But if you like the hybrid, what else is there?? What guy isn’t a combination of insanely endearing and obnoxiously insensitive. The guy who is hilarious, but also who dates his bros. The guy who loves adventure, and drinks like he’s in a fraternity. The guy who’s begun to cultivate his tastes toward foods and brews and anything else made masculine, ironically by the hipster movement, but plays video games more than he sleeps. The guy who adores maybe every single thing about you and isn’t getting any action other than you, but can’t date or commit or, even if he did, spend enough time with you. What about these guys. Who are ridiculously sweet and incredibly irresponsible and super selfish and frighteningly scared to ever be to you what you already can be to them?

Well, I can tell you this. If this is who you like, and who you’ve consistently liked, then scientifically there’s only one legitimate conclusion. You like funny. You like adventure. You like taste. You like boyish. You like the bromances. You like that he likes you. And there is nothing wrong with what you like. There has never been anything wrong with what you’ve liked. Maybe start looking for this guy, just look for him in his man pants. It’s the hardest. But trust, it’s going to be a great fucking fit.


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Not your typical BarbaraEllen ... but still be constructive. Creative also welcome! xo.